Christian Dating Advice



Return to:  Christian Articles

Christian Dating Advice By Margaret Lukasik

Christian dating is an important subject for single Christian men and women.  Marrying the right person can mean a compatible union that puts God at the center, while marrying the wrong person can be a source of unnecessary strife and bitterness that can taint one’s Christian walk.


Christian Dating Advice Part I: Fellowship First

Christians have the ability to wait upon God for the best possible husband or wife that will be most compatible with their personality and beliefs. How glorious to be able to trust God for a spouse rather than desperately looking for someone who could turn out to be your worst nightmare. It’s best to look first for Christian fellowship with a person and then see what unfolds from there.

I’m not saying that Christians shouldn’t be looking, but it’s wiser to anticipate finding the right person in your life at the right time. When having a “date” or “being in love” becomes the center of your thinking, you need to look at your relationship with God. Center upon Him first to insure that you receive His guidance.

While Christians are no different than anyone else when it comes to wanting a romantic relationship, they are different when it comes to the necessity of finding the best person suited to their character, needs and most important “beliefs.” With God, there is absolutely no need to be “lonely” or “needy,” therefore there should be no reason to rush any relationship.

If you trust God, He will fill your life with wonderful people, activities and works which will enrich your life and keep you busy and excited about what you’re doing. By not desperately searching, you will allow God to prepare you for your wife or husband in the best possible way. This is where Christian dating differs from worldly dating. It is more a means of getting to know someone rather than using them for a sexual experience or to appear important because you have a specific type of boyfriend or girlfriend.

So instead of complaining that you don’t have a “special love” in your life, thank God for preparing you for a special person, and for His preparing them for you. This is the most productive means of finding a wife or husband who you can share your life together with in Jesus Christ.

If you center all your energy upon finding a person to love, you may find yourself with someone who is not a Christian. Their value system may pull you away from the Christian ethic and your desire to serve God. Also, if you choose to marry someone who is not centered upon Christ, they will not desire to use God’s Word as a foundation for marriage, life, and child-rearing. This can cause a serious wedge between you and your spouse or you will end up putting God last.

This is why it is a wise idea to date someone you know something about. Especially if you are a woman. Spend a little time with a potential love interest first before you decide to date them. Even if friends or family assure you that he or she is a wonderful person and perfect for you. They could be very wrong.

This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t date, I am only advising you not to put it at the center of your life, but rather create a situation whereby you can enjoy dating and be relaxed. This will make the process easy for you to be yourself, and you will get the best from the person you decide to go out to dinner with, go to the movies, a picnic, church and so forth.

So where do you begin if you are new to dating or Christian dating in general? I have a few Christian dating tips that will be helpful to you.



Christian Dating Advice Part II: Christian Kindness and Ethics

The following Christian dating tips are simple but very essential to fall back on when you feel it difficult to ask a person for a date. For men, these tips are a great help, but women have been known to ask men out for dates too.

know the right reason or reasons for asking a person out. When you know your purpose, it will be easier to express your reasons to the person. Everyone likes to know why someone chose them to date rather than someone else.

It’s not a good idea to say that God told you to date a person you go out with. Even if it’s true, it’s best to wait awhile before discussing God’s guidance for you. You could be wrong about what you heard if you are new to relying upon god’s guidance. You don’t want to put undo pressure on someone.

Make the other person feel comfortable by showing how thoughtful you are with honest compliments. However, don’t go overboard with so many compliments you make the other person feel overwhelmed or distrustful of you. Let God do His work. If things are right between you then all will work for the good of the Lord and both of you.

What if the person says no? Be prepared for a “yes” or a “no” answer. Tell yourself beforehand that a “no” is not personal or against you. It is actually a positive that will keep you from dating someone who is not right for you. So just be thankful instead of sad. Trust that all good things are working for you. Learn the beauty of grace in such times.

Practice what you would like to say to the other person. If you know anything about them, learn more about their interests and honestly speak about them with enthusiasm. But be honest! Don’t fake how you feel. Choose subjects that you can enjoy talking about.

Plan your date ahead of time. Either decide what you want to do or where you want to go before you ask a person on a date. At least for the first one. Otherwise you will leave a bad impression.

Never pressure a person to go out with you and never pressure a person to tell you why they said “no.” You could create a bad situation by your disrespect for the other person’s feelings. They may have a very personal reason for not dating anyone at this particular time.

Never forget about a date or change your mind without at least an explanation. Try to go if possible at least that one time. However, if you have a bad feeling about the date, call and cancel with an honest reason. Never leave a person waiting for you by not telling them that you have canceled. You wouldn’t like it, neither would anyone else.

Never be late for a date unless you can’t help it. Apprise them of your delay. Christian dating should include God’s message of kindness and respect for others.

Never ask a person on a date when they are with their friends or are busy doing something. Wait until the right moment or call them if possible.

I hope these Christian Dating Tips will give you some guidance for having a wonderful dating experience as a Christian. They should help you to maximize the time you spend with that special person.


Return to:  Christian Articles

Leave Christian Dating Advice For << Home


About Christian Dating and Sex


Christian Dating
Christian Dating.

It’s natural for men and women to desire having a mutual, loving relationship with someone who is compatible and who also desires to return their love.

There are exceptions, of course, and I’ll use the Apostle Paul as an example.  He did make provision for those who wish to remain single to serve the Lord wholeheartedly. However, most Christians don’t wish to make that choice.

God is behind Christian marriages and He has given us guidelines to follow for a successful and productive union.  However the question for this discussion is how do Christians get to that point and remain living Godly lives in the process.  Unless one has an arranged marriage, the normal procedure is by dating.  

Christian Dating

Many Christians don’t know what God has to say about dating, so they form their own rules based upon their upbringing.  Some feel that their parents were too strict so they go in the opposite direction and may become promiscuous, while others can be afraid of relationships and can remain distant emotionally because of dysfunction in their families or bad relationships.   

We were created to be social creatures and to have families. Our innate longing for companionship is not something to overlook. We need someone to talk to, to share our interests and beliefs with, and to find comfort from when things are difficult. If we feel alone we have God to turn to, but that doesn’t override the fact that He wanted us to have a help mete to enjoy our lives with and to be a united force for Him.

This means that in most cases dating must come into play for the unmarried Christian as a single, divorced, or widowed person. For some it can be difficult, and for those more socially adept, it’s yet another social interaction that comes easy. Whatever level of social skills you have at the moment, as a Christian there is one underlying truth that you need to follow, and it has to do with sex.

Many Christians have made the choice to have sex before marriage. They behave pretty much as the rest of the world, but that isn’t God’s best. We’re expected to follow Christian ethics because God is the same, yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8).

The Bible doesn’t change because our current social mores have (Ephesians 5:3 and Galatians 5:19-21).  As Christians we need to concentrate upon the New Testament which gives us the guidelines for a successful life, marriage and family.

We’re also told not to live by the flesh, but by the spirit. Which means that as we sow spiritual seeds of obedience to God’s Word, we’ll sow successful seeds that will cause the Word to come alive within us for victory (Galatians 6:7-9). If we sow fleshly seeds, we’ll sow corruption and injustice. Such can be in the case of marriage.

Premarital sex can cause us to marry the wrong person when a child results. It can cause us to marry someone lazy or given to drinking and drunkenness. There are many things that can go wrong when we decide to put sex before marriage that can cause a heavy price to pay for many years or a lifetime.

We’re also told in Galatians 9 that if we don’t become wary, we shall reap success in whatever it is that we hold strong for concerning our Christian values. In this case it’s trusting God for a successful marriage. He tells us in Philippians 4:19 that He shall supply all of our needs, but we must follow His Word, not our fleshly desires.

Colossians 3:5 tells us that fornication is not within the Christian ethic, so we need to trust God that obeying this teaching will bring us a successful marriage through the practice of Christian dating and sex abstinence.

This is why you need to have the attitude that you won’t have sex before marriage and you seek people to date who have the same belief and commitment.

Some people feel that they must “try out” someone before they marry as if they’re going to marry a car or some inanimate object.  But the Bible tells us that our bodies are the temple of God, meaning that we should never use our bodies disrespectfully (Corinthians 6:19-20).

We need to respect ourselves and look at who we are through Jesus Christ. He has made us His temple. Every time we join ourselves in sex with someone we’re not married to, we’re being disrespectful to Christ, to God, the Holy Spirit, the other person, and ourselves.

With so much about sex in our society, it can be difficult, but with Christ nothing is impossible. As we keep our minds on Christ and let Him work in us for strength to have the best, we can hold out for marriage and be thankful while we do it.


My Personal Feelings About Christian Dating

I’ve given you God’s truth about what God has to say about Christian relationships. Now I’ll share my feelings.

Of course I agree with scripture when it comes to Christian dating.  But I can remember being young and living in a world where Godly values have almost been shunned, even by Christians.  

People can make you feel as if there’s something wrong with you if you choose to put God over personal desires.  But when it comes down to it, putting God first when dating will allow God to bring the right person into your life. 

When His Word tells us that what we want is wrong for us, then we need to listen to Him as our Heavenly Father Who has a greater way of living for us that brings great rewards.    

I know it’s especially difficult for new Christians to live the Word, because they’re just learning what God has to say, but take whatever God says in His Word and His guidance to you as the last Word on a given subject.  It will always be to your benefit, spiritually, physically and mentally. And it will keep your soul from being tainted from bad relationships.   

If you’ve included sex as a part of your Christian dating, you can change that right now by asking God to forgive you with a sincere heart by repenting of that sin.  Thank God and believe that he sees your sin as if it never happened. This is how God forgives. Do the same for yourself as well.

From this moment on, trust God to find the best person for you to successfully share your life and love with in Christ.   If you wish to learn more about how to overcome worldly desires with God’s word in a way that doesn’t use the temporary effect of will-power, visit my short Bible Study Section.