About Christian Dating and Sex
It’s natural for men and women to desire having a mutual, loving relationship with someone who is compatible and who also desires to return their love.
There are exceptions, of course, and I’ll use the Apostle Paul as an example. He did make provision for those who wish to remain single to serve the Lord wholeheartedly. However, most Christians don’t wish to make that choice.
God is behind Christian marriages and He has given us guidelines to follow for a successful and productive union. However the question for this discussion is how do Christians get to that point and remain living Godly lives in the process. Unless one has an arranged marriage, the normal procedure is by dating.
Many Christians don’t know what God has to say about dating, so they form their own rules based upon their upbringing. Some feel that their parents were too strict so they go in the opposite direction and may become promiscuous, while others can be afraid of relationships and can remain distant emotionally because of dysfunction in their families or bad relationships.
We were created to be social creatures and to have families. Our innate longing for companionship is not something to overlook. We need someone to talk to, to share our interests and beliefs with, and to find comfort from when things are difficult. If we feel alone we have God to turn to, but that doesn’t override the fact that He wanted us to have a help mete to enjoy our lives with and to be a united force for Him.
This means that in most cases dating must come into play for the unmarried Christian as a single, divorced, or widowed person. For some it can be difficult, and for those more socially adept, it’s yet another social interaction that comes easy. Whatever level of social skills you have at the moment, as a Christian there is one underlying truth that you need to follow, and it has to do with sex.
Many Christians have made the choice to have sex before marriage. They behave pretty much as the rest of the world, but that isn’t God’s best. We’re expected to follow Christian ethics because God is the same, yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8).
The Bible doesn’t change because our current social mores have.
Ephesians 5:3 (NIV) 3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.
Galatians 5:19-21 (NIV) 19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
As Christians we need to concentrate upon the New Testament which gives us the guidelines for a successful life, marriage and family.
We’re also told not to live by the flesh, but by the spirit. Which means that as we sow spiritual seeds of obedience to God’s Word, we’ll sow successful seeds (Galatians 6:7-9). If we sow fleshly seeds, we’ll sow corruption and injustice. Such can be in the case of marriage.
Premarital sex can cause us to marry the wrong person when a child results. It can cause us to marry someone lazy or given to drinking and drunkenness. There are many things that can go wrong when we decide to put sex before marriage that can cause a heavy price to pay for many years or a lifetime.
We’re also told in Galatians 9 that if we don’t become wary, we shall reap success in whatever it is that we hold strong for concerning our Christian values. In this case it’s trusting God for a successful marriage. He tells us in Philippians 4:19 that He shall supply all of our needs, but we must follow His Word, not our fleshly desires.
Colossians 3:5 tells us that fornication is not within the Christian ethic, so we need to trust God that obeying this teaching will bring us a successful marriage through the practice of Christian dating and sex abstinence.
This is why you need to have the attitude that you won’t have sex before marriage and you seek people to date who have the same belief and commitment.
Some people feel that they must “try out” someone before they marry as if they’re going to marry a car or some inanimate object. But the Bible tells us that our bodies are the temple of God, meaning that we should never use our bodies disrespectfully.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NIV) 19. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
We need to respect ourselves and look at who we are through Jesus Christ. He has made us His temple. Every time we join ourselves in sex with someone we’re not married to, we’re being disrespectful to Christ, to God, the Holy Spirit, the other person, and ourselves.
With so much about sex in our society, it can be difficult, but with Christ nothing is impossible. As we keep our minds on Christ and let Him work in us for strength to have the best, we can hold out for marriage and be thankful while we do it.
My Personal Feelings About Christian Dating
I’ve given you God’s truth about what God has to say about Christian relationships. Now I’ll share my feelings.
Of course I agree with scripture when it comes to Christian dating. But I can remember being young and living in a world where Godly values have almost been shunned, even by Christians.
People can make you feel as if there’s something wrong with you if you choose to put God over personal desires. But when it comes down to it, putting God first when dating will allow God to bring the right person into your life.
When His Word tells us that what we want is wrong for us, then we need to listen to Him as our Heavenly Father Who has a greater way of living for us that brings great rewards.
I know it’s especially difficult for new Christians to live the Word, because they’re just learning what God has to say, but take whatever God says in His Word and His guidance to you as the last Word on a given subject. It will always be to your benefit, spiritually, physically and mentally. And it will keep your soul from being tainted from bad relationships.
If you’ve included sex as a part of your Christian dating, you can change that right now by asking God to forgive you with a sincere heart by repenting of that sin. Thank God and believe that he sees your sin as if it never happened. This is how God forgives. Do the same for yourself as well.
From this moment on, trust God to find the best person for you to successfully share your life and love with in Christ. If you wish to learn more about how to overcome worldly desires with God’s word in a way that doesn’t use the temporary effect of will-power, visit my short Bible Study Section or learn more about my 7-day Christian Growth Challenge to help you quickly switch to God’s Word when challenged by worldly desires.